I saw an expression today that made an impression on me.  It said something about appreciating what you have before you have to appreciate what you had.  This rang true because, undoubtedly, I do have to appreciate what I have.  And I have it good, despite all of my complaining, which I am not proud of.  However, I am also struck thinking about things I once had and loved and didn’t appreciate when I had them. 

Looking back on the things I appreciate once having, I am inspired to appreciate the things I have more now.  I am ashamed of the excuses I make for the things I don’t have.  Excuses provide me with no benefit.  They are what they sound like, excuses.  When you have an “excuse” this is only motivation to find another way to accomplish this task.  I think calling them reasons puts them in a better light then the name I used previously. 

I need to take the chance to rejuvenate my network of friends, as I have learned that my strong network of friends was the reason I had a lot of the happiness I once had.  However, many of my friends have moved away, and those still here are married or busy with employment or other ventures.  I feel lonely, but I should use this feeling as motivation.

Perhaps I do need a new adventure, a new life somewhere else where I am not expected to already have a strong network of friends there.  Of course, there are many things I appreciate right here.  My family, the support and activities here for people with impaired vision like mine, and the friends I do still have here.  A new adventure is only one of many ideas.  Of course new employment would rejuvenate my mind, but finding employment to fill a personal need is not likely to find a position.  It is true that I want to give back, and maybe my previous idea of being a career student isn’t as ideal as I once thought. 

I am currently pondering.  I don’t have any answers to my questions yet.  I always appreciate any input, but I acknowledge that this is a decision I have to make for myself.  Hopefully we’ll speak soon.   

There have been many instances in my life where my low blood sugar has led to many negative consequences.  I am fully aware of this, but I wish to provide some insight on why and how it feels. 

The easiest question to ask and to answer is why does this happen.  There are a number of reasons sugar can go low.  Not enough food, too much insulin, too much exercise.  The factors are numerous, but having this medical condition for most of my life, I should be able to control them better.

Clearly I could just leave my sugars high.  The side effects of high blood sugar extend far beyond a dry mouth, sweating and an unpleasant nature that I clearly have when my sugars run high for long periods.

High blood sugar is linked to numerous medical side effects.  They include possible kidney disease, heart disease, loss of limbs like toes.  However, as bad as those could be, the condition that scares me so much that I am prone to low blood sugars is vision loss and possible blindness.  Diabetes is the leading cause of blindness in adults.  I know I am “legally blind” but I have been this way all of my life.  I am so dependent on this vision that the possibility of losing this ability scares me beyond belief.

Now there are some issues that make low blood sugar more problematic for me.  First off, I cannot always feel low blood sugars coming on.  Attempting to prevent lows by taking less insulin or eating more may result in prolonged high blood sugar, and I have already stated the problems there. 

What is more, the symptoms of low blood sugar differ every time.  They may include increase sweating, shaking, lack of balance, and numerous other things.  However, when my sugar drops I am often A, unaware and B, not there.  I mean I act, but I am not in control of my actions.  Telling me that you think my sugars are low will not register with me.  I will not think of verifying my sugars myself because I am not thinking.  I seem to react best when I am told to check my blood sugars.  I am prone to follow instructions. 

More importantly, I need to find a way to prevent low blood sugars.  I am going to speak to my doctor again after I had a recent incident with very negative consequences.  I am not going to promise to change, because I can’t.  But I will state emphatically that I need change.  What is more, I apologize for all the wrongs I have caused due to low blood sugars. 

Hello once again readers. I hope we are all well today.  As you should know if you read my blog, I am once again in school.  It has not all been smooth sailing, but it is providing me with what I was looking for in returning to school.

Last night, I had to present a project with my team mates.  Though I was not as involved in constructing the project, I took a lead in preparing and organizing the presentation.  I once again felt comfortable taking a leadership role.  This was something I definitely wanted from this trip to school:  to improve my self confidence and make me feel comfortable in the type of leadership roles I desire. 

What is more, the presentation went well, and I received much thanks and approval from my team mates.  All smiles in this aspect.  Receiving approval for taking a leadership role is something I needed, so I am very gracious for this . 

However, at the same time we are nearing the closure date for contributions to the Retirement Savings Plan in order to impact this year’s income taxes.  I was preparing to make a contribution with some extra funds I have.  However, it was brought to my attention that I am not likely to live a long retirement and should enjoy the money now.  I have been aware of my lackluster medical condition for a great deal of time.  I have thought of this many times before, and have addressed it lightly with friends, saying things like, “it’s not like I plan on living a long life.” 

However, my own comic approach to this fact did not prevent it from hurting a little when it was brought to my attention.  What is more, I have been taking steps to improve my health, and feel like I can live a long healthy life. 

This brought me to once again wonder if I should make an RSP contribution.  I am fortunate enough to have funds that I do not need to spend anytime soon.  I have put the money into the bank where my retirement fund is.  However, a couple of times I went to make the call to contribute funds, I have been interrupted.  I am not a believer in anything that would cause life-adjusting interruptions, but it does feel kind of weird.  That being said, I have not decided what to do. 

Only in writing this blog did I realize something that may be obvious to others.  I should take control and make this decision for myself.  This does not mean not to ask for advice, but I had sought advice only to backup the opinion I already have.  I need to take the initiative and make this decision for myself.  Thank you blog, you opened my eyes. 

 Once again this year, February 14^th brings upon the day recognized as Valentine’s Day.  This day causes some to be very happy and others to point out how Hallmark invented this holiday and they either don’t need to be reminded of how they are single or don’t need a holiday to express their love to the one they love.  Everyone is entitled to have their own feelings towards this day and I’m not going to evaluate any of those feelings.

However, I am actually trying to embrace the holiday this year, though in a way that I don’t believe was ever intended.  A problem that I have which I have previously acknowledged is that I am not happy with myself and never seem to think I am deserving of an improvement.  Though I acknowledge that I want better, I seem to expect to be given due to the fact that others pity my situation.  Not only is this a lazy way of thinking„ it is ineffective, as others will only act in their best interest (they will only help you to the extent that helping you will help themselves).  What is more, I would like to be able to say that I earned the goods in my life myself.

I seem to have strayed from my thoughts of Valentine’s Day and how I am choosing to embrace the day.  What I am doing, and I acknowledge that this may sound selfish initially, is that I am choosing to better love myself.  This may sound bad, but for me to love myself, I have to learn to love the things I have in my life.  I love my friends, I love my family, I love my ability to be back in school and expanding my knowledge.  I love that I have never required engaging in war. 

As I take the time to love many things in my life, I will not allow this to hide the things in my life I want to change.  I still want to find a great job, a woman and a nice property.  However, the things I am missing should not lessen the value of the things I have in my life.  What is more, I acknowledge that I try hard and want to help others.  Perhaps I do deserve more good in my life.  But deserving it is not enough; I must work to get it. 

All this to say Happy Valentine’s Day.  Perhaps, as one of my friends pointed out, I shouldn’t wait another 365 days to love myself.  Despite the flaws that this day may have, that should not lessen the value of the positive things this day does.  No, we should not need an occasion to remind us to love, but that does not mean that we shouldn’t use the day to love more if we have been neglecting to do so.  I love you all.

Smile.  Are you asking for a reason why?  I normally would.  I will admit to not having been the cheeriest person lately.  The disappointing truth is that not much has changed.  In fact, my circumstances are similar.  But there is a breakthrough:  I don’t care.  Yea, life may suck, but I have chosen to stop looking at things in a negative light. 

All this to say that I’m happy.  At least I’m trying to be.  I am trying to enjoy life again, not just live through it.  What’s better news is I like doing this and it’s really not so hard.  I’m taking advantage of opportunities I have now and trying to enjoy them in the moment, not after the fact, as I am used to doing.  I’m not going to wait for moments to become memories to like them.

I’m taking advantage of my ‘disability’ and returning to school in the evening thanks to a subsidy that I am given because of my vision.  I love school and am looking forward to this.  I’m hoping to learn more and engage in social circles more.  I love school and I am going to try to take advantage and make some friends this time. 

Unlike my previous education, I have more direction this time.  In fact, I have multiple directions.  My priority remains finding a solid career that I enjoy.  Therefore, I look to receive the education that will make me a more qualified candidate for the opportunities I desire.  However, part of improving career and life is expanding my social network.  I already have a great group of friends, but many have moved and my transportation makes meeting a little more difficult.  What is more, we’re all getting older and those friends who still live here don’t have the energy to go out often.

Now I don’t have a crystal ball and I can’t tell you how this is going to end.  But I’m going to take the time to enjoy that fact.  The greatest trips can often occur when your journey is not to a specific destination.  At the least, you avoid getting lost.   So here goes nothing or everything.  I’ll write to y’all again soon.  Thanks for reading.  Smile.

It can often be found in the modern format of text and online messaging that caps lock is used to emphasize or scream something.  It is common place to see a passage written in capital letters merely to emphasize the point that is being made.  I ACCEPT THAT.

Not only do I accept it, I encourage it.  It is a simplistic way to add emotion to print.  But I don’t think it goes far enough.  As a reader may have noted in past, I am an enthusiast of sarcasm.  In fact, a great deal of what I say is sarcastic.  However, sarcasm is not always obvious in print. 

Now I am aware that other options may not always be as easy to implement as capital letters, but there are alternative methods easier than explaining that you are speaking sarcastically (what is more, sarcasm loses emphasis if you have to explain that it is sarcasm).

What I propose is the use of italic type.  This moderation can be made to all fonts, is obvious and its kinda funny-looking font.  From now on, in texted conversation, I encourage the use of italics.  It is my hope that this will be used so frequently it will no longer require explanation.  Until that day, I will use this font and explain to people why I use this font.  Here’s hoping.  This idea could one day change the world.

I haven’t written here in a while, and it has nothing to do with me not being THE REAL MATT STONE.  I just had no revelations that I felt like writing about.  If I didn’t even want to take the time to write about them, I doubted their readability. 

However, I’ve recently had a “revelation” that I feel is interesting.  I try to be positive and can often be found sarcastically making remarks about my plans for success and ruling the world.  I have been called an optimist and accused of being positive.  The truth is, I wish this were so.

The ugly truth about the real Matt Stone is that I’m not too happy with how my life has turned out yet.  However, that doesn’t mean I am ready to give up.  True, many of my friends have moved away.  It is true that my health is not ideal and learning about my vision has complicated some things in my life.  But the truth is that these “obstacles” are really just “excuses.”

I can no longer sit around and wait for things to go my way.  This is lazy.  What’s more important, this won’t work.  This isn’t going to be easy.  I need to accept this.  That being said, I will still look for help, but will look to take the necessary steps to bring happiness my way.

What is more, I’ve realized that I never embraced the positives in my life as much as I should.  I complain too much.  The simplest way to find happiness in my life is to fist take time to appreciate what I already have.  This will not stop me from working for what I want.  I’m taking small steps:  Visiting friends that moved away.  Pursuing education now that I have the tools to facilitate studies. 

So this may sound like statements I’ve made before, but I had to remind myself and hope that these thoughts connect with others who read them.

A version of a drink I really like is everywhere online:  Cranberry juice and Kahlua.  However, I prefer the sweet taste of Tia Maria to Kahlua.  I have made a habit of going into bars or restaurants and asking for Tia Maria and Cranberry juice.  I get weird looks.  I’ve had many bartenders tell me that they have never heard of or mixed this.

So, to make a long story short, I am naming this drink the Matt Stone.  Yea, a little egotistic, but whatever.  So here it is:

Fill a tall glass with ice.

Pour in 2 ounces of Tia Maria

Top this with 4 ounces of Cranberry Juice

Mix and serve

If you can get the all natural cranberry juice, I recommend it.  Sure, I like sweet, but I don’t like too much sugar.  I have also tried mixing Tia Maria with Crystal light raspberry flavor.  It is also good.  But no bars don’t have that, so I’ll just stick with the cranberry mix.

Try it at home or go out and order a Matt Stone.  When you get a weird look, it is easy to explain.  So Cheers! Enjoy, and I hope that this sweet drink catches on.

I have always had a large circle of friends, and can admit that I depended on that circle being present to provide me with support and things to do.  I did busy myself with relationships that took me away from my friends, but those relationships ended and I came back and had my supportive group of friends.  I felt comfortable, assuming that this circle would always be there.

What provides additional problems is looking to make friends while looking to find a relationship with a lady.  The two activities must be separated, but both require time and energy.

The truth is that the circle is still there, but there have been some major changes.  First off, I no longer drive, so getting together has become tougher.  Secondly, many of my close friends have relocated to other parts of this continent.  But lastly, and something I should have realized early, most went off and developed relationships that take time away from going out and often lead to marriage.  I am not looking to give blame or guilt.  If this is anyone’s fault, it is my own.  I assumed that things wouldn’t change. 

This explains, in part, why I feel so alone.  I try to socialize and busy myself with various activities and groups.  However, I find myself comparing these potential friendships to the friends I have had since high school.  This is not fair.  Not only will they not compare, they shouldn’t.  It’s like comparing apples and oranges.  Friendships you develop later in life will not have the same components as childhood friendships, so it is unfair to look for them.

So I have placed that comparison aside.  I need to embrace the chances to make new friends, and not forget my childhood friends.  I still value them as much as I ever did.  But I have to remember that they are not what they used to be; no longer everything.  Seems things get more complicated with age, I want high School or CEGEP back

Realistically or unrealistically, I have always found a use for jealousy.  Instead of merely trying to dismiss it, as I once did, I have sought to use it as motivation.  However, I was recently at the boardwalk in Ste Anne’s and encountered jealousy that I could not easily find a use for.

I loved the boats and always have.  I have also always loved cars.  However, it has been made clear to me that I am never to drive again.  Therefore, both of these dreams are no longer realistic objectives.  Sure, I could rent a piloted boat or a driver and a car, but this is not what I had dreamed of.

So does that mean that this jealousy no longer has a use and should be ignored?  Perhaps, but ignoring jealousy has never been easy and always comes back to haunt me. What is more, I try to maximize the potential of any situation, and this seems like a loss. So I have decided not to do so and to find a use.  First off, I have accepted the fact that I will never own a luxury liner or a sports car.  That being said, I have not given up bigger dreams like ruling the world. 

What is more, I choose to use this jealousy as motivation to obtain happiness in more realistic ways.  I can still find a woman, a great job and other forms of happiness.  This is not exactly ignoring, but transferring that jealousy into motivation for other things.  This is easier said than done, I am aware.

This brings me back to my normal problem, not observing what I should do, but finding a way to do it.  But I will not take the absence of clear answers as a knockout punch; I will just have to think harder about them.  So I present no solutions, but I ask for more answers.  I will think about it, but your comments are always welcome … Talk soon.